The North!

“Eee by ‘eck lad, tha’s like a pair of whippets on’t one o’ them double seaters…” Welcome to the North! Where does the north begin?.. Someone told me it’s where Pret is out numbered by Greggs… So that’ll do for me lad.

Our short cycle from our fabulous Airbnb to Doncaster was flat and wet, but surprisingly as we entered Doncaster we were impressed both with the cycle facilities (Well done Donnie) and some of the grand buildings.

We rolled up at our Premier Inn well early, 2 hours before check in. We stood in the entrance hall dripping wet and decided we’d pay the £10 early check in fee rather than wait and went to the reception desk. We always chat nicely to people and had a chat about the rain and a chuckle together and the lady checked us in early with no early check in charge.

She then happily found us a place for Tilly and I came back down to reception with her as another guest arrived.  This lady was quite abrupt and immediately complained about having to pay for parking whilst she dropped her luggage off and checked in. She said to the receptionist gruffly “We have a 12:30 check in” and the receptionist replied “No you don’t, come back in 2 hours”!  It pays to be polite.

We ventured out into Donnie for an early dinner having cycled though a very nice centre with impressive town hall like indoor market and more market halls opposite.  We thought we might have a wander around before dinner but were greeted by mayhem. Not the fascist rioters of late, but the Donnie nightlife – the pubs and clubs were heaving, heavy music blaring out and people dancing on the streets. Multiple hen nights staggered up and down the streets and Grab a Granny night seemed to be in full swing.

We ate early at an Italian where the staff knew all the customers by name and had proper Coronation Street conversations, it was brilliant.. “,Ello Ethel, how are you? Did you know our Audrey is in Hospital again with her gout and Ernie’s piles are giving him gyp?, now can I get you some Garlic bread to start with?”

We wandered back staying clear of the younger ladies staggering around without shoes, singing their hearts out wearing dresses with splits up to their belly button and Linda informs me “NO UNDERWEAR!” and retired to our beds to the constant sound of sirens. Not surprising I suppose in the UK’s most dangerous town with the highest number of sexual assaults..

Leaving Donnie we stopped in for McDonald’s and won’t do that again for a long while.  In our defence everywhere was closed whilst the population sobered up as we hadn’t got any brekky with us. We left to see a woman dressed as though she’d just come from a club and hadn’t been to bed yet,  going in for a big Mac brekky with her very young daughter in her pajamas. Guess that’s life in Donnie..

Along our route onto Wakefield, we were joined by Richard ‘I do a little bit of cycling’ who we had met in India with his wife Julie earlier in the year.

He’s a dark horse Richard, his ‘ I do a little bit of cycling’ turned out to be 180km in a day, followed by another 100 odd the next day.  He could do our whole tour in a week!

So obviously when we set off he was still at home and by the time we met him we’d done 20km and he’d done 25 miles, and had sat at home reading the paper having breakfast and then setting off about an hour before the rendezvous. 

We had a great cycle with him as we stuck to the Trans Pennine Trial  which really is the most obstacle ridden challenge of a cycle route anyone could have devised.  It’s a Jeremy Clarkson I hate Cyclists cycle route.  There’s barriers everywhere and we can’t easily get through loads and in some places it’s  like it’s a knockout days as they give you multiple barriers to choose from. Would sir like the horse gate, the kissing gate or the cycle narrow gate? I’d prefer a bloody cycle path unobstructed by ridiculous anti cycling crap! So poor Richard helped us lift Tilly over horse barriers and around barriers as we slowly ploded on to Wakefield.

Last year we cycled out of Wakefield after visiting the cathedral there and past one of only 4 bridge chapels in the UK.  This year it was open and we stopped in to have a look at the inside whilst one of the volunteers guarded Tilly. No point nicking her, she won’t fit through any of the bloody barriers… Hold on whilst I take my blood pressure pills…

Richard came to pick us up later from our hotel having cycled 80 miles, gone home had a shower watched a few films on TV and repainted the house whilst we only managed 50km all day and had only arrived about 30 minutes before he picked us up! ‘A little bit of cycling’ my arse!

We had a fabulous evening with Richard and Julie in Holmfirth, Last of the Summer wine land and had a wander around this cute little town with Richard pointing out his favourite hills which were ridiculously steep, so steep we’d be looking for a cable car to ascend them. He loves hills!

We then drove on the wrong side of a dual carriageway on the way home, but we just assumed, having seen the mayhem in Donnie, that this was normal for Yorkshire and remained calm and carried on.  I know, Theres a perfectly reasonable explanation but that would spoil the story so you’ll have to do with that.

Frome Wakie (apparently all cities in Yorkshire get their names treated like this) we headed on the Trans Pennine ‘How do you fancy a flight of stairs’ Trail again.  We will never cycle this route again. Please slap me if I try.

Having carried Tilly over the bridge, we were eventually hurded off the route by the non stop barriers and took to the main road. Why? Well, the first 12 km took us nearly 2 hours and it was easy flat cycling. So main roads it was.

Fortunately the Trail takes to back roads in the end and we had a lovely cycle on to Selby to visit the amazing Abbey and very nice town centre on market day.

We were greeted by a bunch of elderly ladies perched on the town obelisk infront of the Abbey who looked Tilly over and then remarked “You’ve gotta lot packed on that laddie”  oooo I do love a stereotype.

The Abbey was extraordinary – bigger than a third of Cathedrals in England and hugely impressive we loved it.

We had a choice from Selby to take two days to get to our next friend stop in Hornsea or do it in one day. 88km is not our normal cuppa, but the route was flat and quiet so we gave it a go.

Naturally the wind wasn’t having any of that! It was a vicious southerly and the fen like land adjacent to the Humber let it rip into us.   Our route took us into it and away from it but mostly with it side on, and I can’t remember having to lean the bike sideways to stop us being blown off before which Linda didn’t like one little bit.

But it was a nice cycle and we arrived in Hull to be flabbergasted at how nice the centre was!  Grand buildings and the museum area resembled the back of Butlers Wharf in London, without the crowds.  There was even a cafe with sourdough Cheese and Marmite toasties!  We loved it and will definitely return for a proper visit.

We turned out of Hull toward the coast and got the full benefit of the wind on the Hornsea to Hull cycle trail and hammered along, once we’d left the incredibly delapidtaed route out of Hull.

We arrived at Mike’s and he wasnt home as he was waiting for us on the trail!  Oopsz we missed him! And the we got a puncture the moment we put the bike in his brand new garage.